Author Archives: Tree Hater

Off with their heads!

They’re not hydras, so don’t be scared to show their friends you mean business in this war. But remember: no chippers! Don’t spread their lies further than they already are.

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Torch the trees

There is no better way to celebrate the start of a new year than to initiate the end of an old fear.

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Mankind’s resilient bravery in action

Do your duty. Vote this video up on YouTube to remind mankind that we can (and must) fight back. No need to be passive in our quest to destroy the Scourge of Man from our planet.

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Internets kill trees!

Awesome, outstanding news just came in. W-Fi can kill (or deform) trees! A report from Holland says that Wi-Fi signals may seriously degrade a tree’s life. So get to it. Grab as many discount routers this Black Friday as you can afford, turn them on, and crank ’em up. Because they’ll be in your house […]

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Snoop and Cudi spread anti-tree message to the masses

We cannot say enough how excited we at the Anti-Arboreal Association are about the new Snoop Dogg video for his That Tree video featuring Kid CuDi. The video teems with anti-tree, tree-hating, tree-disrespecting, and tree-felling visuals against an incredibly catchy refrain, and stresses the importance of never forgetting those trees that have wronged you (or […]

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Tag and track the beast

Great news in the War on Tree Terrorism! “Trees Near You” is an iPhone application recently created by Brett Camper for New York City’s BigApps competition. Apparently, NYC city government has street tree census data publicly available. According to the app’s site, Trees Near You helps you learn about more than 500,000 trees that live […]

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Call ’em as you see ’em

A friend recently tipped us to a bold new campaign in England: call out the enemies in our midst via small but straightforward signage. Take this case as an example. A despicable English tree was cordoned off with traffic cones and metal bars, and given the Scarlet Letter via a sign simply stating: “Dangerous Tree. […]

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Texas Trees on the Ropes

Awesome news from Texas. According to the Dallas Morning News, Galveston’s tree population is decimated. More than 80% of the town’s trees are dead or dying, for a grand total of 42,800 trees! Apparently the Galvestinians have already unleashed both hurricanes and killer fungus on the trees, but there are roughly 10,000 fortified trees still […]

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Mayans sabotaged by trees’ SOS call, not climate change

The truth behind the Mayan extinction has begun to surface, although the tree apologists continue tirelessly to spread disinformation. A new report by University of Alabama in Huntsville outlines how the Mayans put tree-razing policies into practice, triggering the Spanish invasion. However, the report suggests the ludicrous: the loss of trees over-stressed the Mayan communities? […]

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Letters

Trees bring out the worst in people, as you are now surely aware. Fortunately, our members are willing to talk about their problems and adverse conditions so as to educate others. The following letters have been sent to us in these hopes. Read, learn, and act out of this new knowledge. From “Fat Tony,” October […]

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  • About the AAA

    What you are about to encounter is years of accumulated knowledge, concised and repackaged into manageable, understandable chunks. Chunks that will help empower you in the fight against the ultimate evil.

    Granted, this information rarely takes upon first processing. Years of intense searching led us at the AAA to this point. We have displayed this knowledge then in a non-threatening online publication so as to invite all to our non-wooden table of freedom at their own pace.

  • Watch the Documentary

    M. Night Shyamalan's documentary ("The Happening") about trees was labeled as a "thriller" by the MPAA, but make no mistake: the events in this film are truthy. Watch it now!

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