Trees bring out the worst in people, as you are now surely aware. Fortunately, our members are willing to talk about their problems and adverse conditions so as to educate others. The following letters have been sent to us in these hopes. Read, learn, and act out of this new knowledge.
From “Fat Tony,” October 11, 1999:
We could certainly use your help with the trees. Last week, a two year old boy mysteriously vanished in the wilderness. They don’t know what happened, but I’ll tell you what, sure were a lot of TREES around…
Indeed, sounds a little too coincidental for us here at the Anti-Arboreal Association. Study after study these days shows that two year olds are more than capable of reading, writing and reasoning, and therefore are also more than capable of finding their way out of any “wilderness” any tree may put in front of them.
Of course, our initial reaction (burn the wilderness) was a little hasty. While the AAA certainly condones violence in its quest to destroy the trees, it certainly does not condone efforts that would hurt little children.
Hence, the AAA has initiated a call encouraging locals in the Boulder, CO, area to begin a systematic deforestation effort that should not, under any circumstances, stop upon the finding of the little boy. These trees are sick and twisted and will beckon our youth into their deadly, thorned grasp as long as they live and breath in our neighborhoods.
From “Fat Tony,” October 12, 1999:
Man, I didn’t even tell you about my personal run-in with the trees the weekend before last. True story. I was up in Rocky Mountain National Park hiking. I slipped and fell and there was this conspicuously well placed tree branch on the ground. It had a little nub sticking out where a smaller branch had broken off and I impaled my hand on it. Had to get two stitches. Thought I heard faint laughter as I stumbled back to the car, bleeding profusely. Friends thought it was “just the wind” — but I know better.
Even in delusional, pained states (brought on by the trees’ intense and timeless campaign of human humiliation) our members are able to see through the “acts of nature” that are no accident.
Our only concern lies in this member’s newly contaminated blood. Currently, the AAA has no “scientific” proof concerning the trees’ ability to control the minds of those whose bloodstream now carries the disgusting traces of sap and bark, only rumors and the teachings of the elders. However, there are several endeavors underway to help our brothers and sisters who have been victimized by the trees. Keep the faith.
Being a militant splinter group, the Anti-Arboreal Association is often confronted with accusations of “spreading lies and deceit” by the uninformed masses. Whereas it would be easiest for us to sit back on our laurels and watch them continue to fall victim to millenias of systematic persecution by the rooted ones, we instead counter with the dissemination of knowledge. Even at the risk of becoming persecuted ourselves. So we ask, “Who are the ones truly ‘spreading lies and deceit,’ as you say? Is it your friendly neighborhood killing machines, the trees, or is it your brother and sister, concerned for your own well-being?”
Seeings as how even this attempt at peaceful mediation to this argument still ends with little positive result, we are forced to bring irrefutable facts to the table. Facts whose authenticity could never be called into question. Facts that would make even the extreme pacifist a militant in the struggle. I ask that you read the following factlets with an open heart and mind and become moved to join the resistance.
The following newsbrief I received right around Christmastime last year. I had just finished wrapping presents for family and friends when my e-mail alert sounded. There I was, at one of the happiest times of the year, and here it was, the deadly reminder that trees wouldn’t even take a break for one of mankind’s biggest annual holidays. Not content with a presence in every home during this time of year, they had begun a campaign of directed mental anguish towards those incapable of installing a tinsel and ornament adorned watchdog in their home.
ROMANIAN CAN’T BUY TREE, KILLS SELF
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) _ A 50-year-old Romanian man killed himself because he couldn’t afford to buy a Christmas tree for his daughter, a newspaper reported Thursday. Ion Done, a divorced father who lived with his widowed mother and 10-year-old daughter, took own his life after an argument Tuesday with his mother, who wanted him to buy a Christmas for the little girl, daily Evenimentul Zilei reported. Done, whose occupation was unknown, said he couldn’t afford the luxury of a tree. After the argument he threw himself out of the sixth-floor apartment where he lived in the city of Braila, 110 miles northeast of Bucharest. He died immediately, the paper said. Christmas trees in Romania cost between $5 and $20 and are a luxury for anyone earning the country’s average monthly salary of $120. Only about one in ten Romanians can afford trees. Many people instead purchase evergreen branches, which are cheaper.
I did what any proud resistant would after reading this: I sat myself in my living room and smiled, gazing contentedly at my artificial tree, knowing mankind was one step closer to independence with inventions such as this.
Every now and again, one will receive an e-mail from a friend that serves as a reminder of just how brainwashed our people have become. Despite being phrased in the form of an amusing anecdote, the following message has some very disturbing undertones.
Well I was outside with a few of my boyhood pals playing in the yard and we had found my Dad’s just-sharpened hatchet behind our old wood shed. Well, one thing led to another and boys-will-be-boys, next thing I know I’m whacking away at my Mom’s prize winning Cherry tree on a bet. I don’t know what came over me but staring down at the recently proud specimen of arboreal splendor I knew that I would be in trouble. Just then my Dad came out and said, in his sternest now-you’ve-done-it-mister voice, “Did you cut down that cherry tree young man?” and I said……
Regardless of the authenticity of the author’s memory, I would like to point out the messages that ring true regardless of the actual involvement.
1. As children, we are not yet inhibited by the treevery to “protect” them and to “serve” them. We have not yet been indoctrinated with their lies. With their hate. With their false promises. In other words, the actions of the youth are our best hope against fighting these monsters.
2. As adults, we too often yell at our children for their wanton and selfless destruction of trees. We need to be fostering these ideas with the youths. We need to put these “just-sharpened hatchets” in their chubby hands.
3. “Splendor” is a relative term. Relative only to those who FORCE you to believe they are beautiful. Do NOT fall victim to the lies. Do NOT fall victim to the farce. Do NOT let their “seedlings” of doubt infect your mind and thus fall into their barked and evil arms.
Well, people, a very sad, sad event just transpired. I no sooner opened my e-mail box today, when all of a sudden, I was hit with a disgusting, sickening message. A portion is transposed below.
MAN APOLOGIZES TO TREE WITH HUGS AND KISSES
A New York City man who hugged and kissed a tree to avoid paying a fine might have to cough up the money after all. New York newspapers reported Friday that Manhattan delicatessen owner Daniele Malpeli was given a $1,000 summons for chaining his delivery bicycle to the tree in front of his store, as he has done for years. But Parks Commissioner Henry Stern offered Malpeli amnesty if he would apologize to the 2-1/2 story tall tree and give it a hug. “I hugged the tree 20 times and I kissed it too,” Malpeli said.
Again, I cannot reiterate enough times how important it is to be tough on trees. The redeeming value of this message is that this man will now be humiliated with a fine and public coverage of his filthy, tree-loving lifestyle.
Show your support for the anti-tree effort, and wrap metal bark-destroying chains and barbed wire around any tree you can find. That, or print this page out and waste an extra piece of paper today!
Trees’ dependence on mankind proven! Science again corroborates our claims by proving trees flourish off our byproduct and waste. No different than vermin, trees take our breathal excrement, and use it to become more powerful.
Knowing our audience will probably not quit breathing to stop the trees dead in their roots, we merely ask that all members just try to elongate their air intake while shortening their air outtake. Let’s show those trees what 25% less growth rate feels like. That is, what it feels like while they watch mankind wise up to their wily ways.
STUDY FINDS TREES THRIVE ON CO2
WASHINGTON (AP) – In a study measuring the effect of a major greenhouse gas, researchers have found trees exposed to increased carbon dioxide grow 25% faster than those without the extra CO2. Researchers enriched the carbon dioxide atmosphere in 100-foot-wide plots of pine trees near Duke University in North Carolina to determine how the plants would respond to an increase in the atmospheric gas. For at least the first two years of the experiment, the trees have thrived and grown more vigorously than did nearby trees without the added carbon dioxide, said Evan H. DeLucia, the first author of study appearing Friday in the journal Science.
BEHOLD! A PALE HORSE AND AN EVIL TREE….
Revelations, Chapter 6, Verse 8 and 13: And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. . .And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.
The end of October is coming nigh, but many of us have yet to open our third eye. Our minds have remained cloudy to the truths hidden all around us. As fall encroaches, humankind’s small window to attack appears on the not-so-distant horizon. And time has never been of a more pressing nature. If your inner mind’s eye has already been illuminated, you need only grab your torches and get to work. However, if not, read on…
We have passed the 200 day mark approaching the year 2000. There is a lot of buzz about the Year 2000 Problem. (We shall refer to said problem as “Y2K” in efforts to conserve bytes.) There have been incredible amounts of speculation as to the devastation that will ensue upon January 1, 2000, 12:01 A.M. Everyone’s bank account will disappear. All vital records will be erased. Porn servers will charge your VISA 100 times in an “accounting error.” Monkeys will begin evolving into new superbeings, later referred to as “people.”
To set the record straight, there is no Y2K problem. There is, however, a T2K problem. By T2K I mean one thing: Trees 2 Kill. The problem lies in the numbers of these sick perverted beings.
Let’s lay down the logic blanket for the world to sit upon.
1. Trees have inhabited and festered upon this planet for millenia.
2. Humankind has dwelled upon this earth for millenia.
3. Trees have integrated themselves into humankind’s existence in a way in which no other being has. They have hooked and baited us with their “paper” and their “lumber” and their “oxygen” and sickest of all, their “shade.” These trees have ingrained themselves so deeply within our lives that many find the idea of a life free of the shackles of treevery “crazy.”
4. With the advance of science and intellect, humankind has begun to slowly ween itself from the barked teat and transition towards a digital, technology-based, paperless world. You can imagine the threat this poses to an established ruling class. The very realities they held as certain come crumbling down. There is only one choice of action.
5. The rooted ones have waged an all out war against technology. Think for a minute. Who will benefit the most from a backlash against technology? If all our digital systems come tumbling down, how will we record our information? Hemp? Papyrus? I think not. That’s like giving a lemur a Nobel prize for good thinkin’. Ain’t gonna happen. By effectively disabling our newfound freedom at its base, the trees can guarantee a renewed blind commitment from humanity.
So how does one solve the T2K problem? Does humanity stand a fighting chance? The answer is simple.
Don’t think Smokey the Bear was a manmade concept. Only a tree could come up something that stupid, thinking humans would fall prey to his “cute and sensible” preachings. And only a brainwashed, crushed race could then become victim to such propaganda. As Fall peers it’s beautiful head around Seasons Corner, the tree world’s security blanket is about to be shed. Dry leaves and barren trunks make excellent tinder boxes and pyrotechnic playgrounds.
Do you have the strength to face humankind’s darkest opposition? Will the fire fall from the heavens to free mankind of treevery’s evil intention?
One can only hope.
Stop for a minute. Envision, if you will, your family.Your family. Not your neighbor’s family. Not your coworker’s family. YOUR family. There they are, gallavanting around, carefreely enjoying the sights and sounds of summer. Your little sister stoops to pick a small flower from the meadows. Everything seems serene. Suddenly, there’s a pop-POP sound. You’re looking around. Dad’s yelling. The dog is barking. Where’s your little sister? What is that sound? Why is the sky turning black? The helicopters are hovering everywhere, and the troops are swarming the field. The yellow sparks of gun fire are illuminating the riot gear. The billy clubs move up and down in a frenzy of blood. The screams are becoming piercing. The confusion is thick. Why is this all happening? What did you do to deserve this?
And then it becomes all too clear.
Just a week before, when the letter arrived in your mailbox. You read it. You chuckled. “Ha ha ha. That craaaaazy old Anti-Arboreal Association, always sending me messages of urgent importance!!” You discarded the note, tossing its lifeless body aside, not recognizing the awesome power backing it.
The Anti-Arboreal Association exists for multiple reasons. Foremost of those reasons is mob mentality and senseless violence. As we approach the two and three O’s, we are becoming less aware of the real, present day danger facing us. We have a beast of mythical proportions staring us in the eye, and our desensitized persona merely looks back with a smile.
I am speaking of the trees.
Only by forming a violence gang can one destroy an entity as corrupt and hateful as the wooded population that controls this earth. Make no mistake. Trees are everywhere. And if you think they don’t know your master plan, then ask yourself who is being played the fool? The Anti-Arboreal Association was institutionalized to bring a real and deadly challenge to the very creatures hell-bent on our destruction. By urging anti-recycling measures and fossil fuel consumption, the Association is providing a community-based approach to its activist arm. By forming violence posses to wage war on these demons in our midst, the Association is providing a regimen of discipline and fear amongst its adherents AS WELL as its victims.
That is the beauty of all that is good and all that is the Association.