Pulp-free Proficiency

Revelation T2K


Revelations, Chapter 6, Verse 8 and 13: And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. . .And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.

The end of October is coming nigh, but many of us have yet to open our third eye. Our minds have remained cloudy to the truths hidden all around us. As fall encroaches, humankind’s small window to attack appears on the not-so-distant horizon. And time has never been of a more pressing nature. If your inner mind’s eye has already been illuminated, you need only grab your torches and get to work. However, if not, read on…

We have passed the 200 day mark approaching the year 2000. There is a lot of buzz about the Year 2000 Problem. (We shall refer to said problem as “Y2K” in efforts to conserve bytes.) There have been incredible amounts of speculation as to the devastation that will ensue upon January 1, 2000, 12:01 A.M. Everyone’s bank account will disappear. All vital records will be erased. Porn servers will charge your VISA 100 times in an “accounting error.” Monkeys will begin evolving into new superbeings, later referred to as “people.”

To set the record straight, there is no Y2K problem. There is, however, a T2K problem. By T2K I mean one thing: Trees 2 Kill. The problem lies in the numbers of these sick perverted beings.

Let’s lay down the logic blanket for the world to sit upon.

1. Trees have inhabited and festered upon this planet for millenia.

2. Humankind has dwelled upon this earth for millenia.

3. Trees have integrated themselves into humankind’s existence in a way in which no other being has. They have hooked and baited us with their “paper” and their “lumber” and their “oxygen” and sickest of all, their “shade.” These trees have ingrained themselves so deeply within our lives that many find the idea of a life free of the shackles of treevery “crazy.”

4. With the advance of science and intellect, humankind has begun to slowly ween itself from the barked teat and transition towards a digital, technology-based, paperless world. You can imagine the threat this poses to an established ruling class. The very realities they held as certain come crumbling down. There is only one choice of action.

5. The rooted ones have waged an all out war against technology. Think for a minute. Who will benefit the most from a backlash against technology? If all our digital systems come tumbling down, how will we record our information? Hemp? Papyrus? I think not. That’s like giving a lemur a Nobel prize for good thinkin’. Ain’t gonna happen. By effectively disabling our newfound freedom at its base, the trees can guarantee a renewed blind commitment from humanity.

So how does one solve the T2K problem? Does humanity stand a fighting chance? The answer is simple.

Forest fires.

Don’t think Smokey the Bear was a manmade concept. Only a tree could come up something that stupid, thinking humans would fall prey to his “cute and sensible” preachings. And only a brainwashed, crushed race could then become victim to such propaganda. As Fall peers it’s beautiful head around Seasons Corner, the tree world’s security blanket is about to be shed. Dry leaves and barren trunks make excellent tinder boxes and pyrotechnic playgrounds.

Do you have the strength to face humankind’s darkest opposition? Will the fire fall from the heavens to free mankind of treevery’s evil intention?

One can only hope.