Pulp-free Proficiency

Introduction to Evil

Stop for a minute. Envision, if you will, your family.Your family. Not your neighbor’s family. Not your coworker’s family. YOUR family. There they are, gallavanting around, carefreely enjoying the sights and sounds of summer. Your little sister stoops to pick a small flower from the meadows. Everything seems serene. Suddenly, there’s a pop-POP sound. You’re looking around. Dad’s yelling. The dog is barking. Where’s your little sister? What is that sound? Why is the sky turning black? The helicopters are hovering everywhere, and the troops are swarming the field. The yellow sparks of gun fire are illuminating the riot gear. The billy clubs move up and down in a frenzy of blood. The screams are becoming piercing. The confusion is thick. Why is this all happening? What did you do to deserve this?

And then it becomes all too clear.

Just a week before, when the letter arrived in your mailbox. You read it. You chuckled. “Ha ha ha. That craaaaazy old Anti-Arboreal Association, always sending me messages of urgent importance!!” You discarded the note, tossing its lifeless body aside, not recognizing the awesome power backing it.

The Anti-Arboreal Association exists for multiple reasons. Foremost of those reasons is mob mentality and senseless violence. As we approach the two and three O’s, we are becoming less aware of the real, present day danger facing us. We have a beast of mythical proportions staring us in the eye, and our desensitized persona merely looks back with a smile.

I am speaking of the trees.

Only by forming a violence gang can one destroy an entity as corrupt and hateful as the wooded population that controls this earth. Make no mistake. Trees are everywhere. And if you think they don’t know your master plan, then ask yourself who is being played the fool? The Anti-Arboreal Association was institutionalized to bring a real and deadly challenge to the very creatures hell-bent on our destruction. By urging anti-recycling measures and fossil fuel consumption, the Association is providing a community-based approach to its activist arm. By forming violence posses to wage war on these demons in our midst, the Association is providing a regimen of discipline and fear amongst its adherents AS WELL as its victims.

That is the beauty of all that is good and all that is the Association.