Pulp-free Proficiency

Internets kill trees!

Awesome, outstanding news just came in. W-Fi can kill (or deform) trees! A report from Holland says that Wi-Fi signals may seriously degrade a tree’s life.

So get to it. Grab as many discount routers this Black Friday as you can afford, turn them on, and crank ’em up. Because they’ll be in your house BEFORE you put your Christmas tree up, the trees won’t even know what’s hitting them.

Mankind (via the Dutch): +1.
Trees: 0.

2 replies on “Internets kill trees!”

I have found the trees in my neighborhood to be merely
naughty, not yet dangerous. Should I assume that they will quickly
devolve into instruments of terror? Also, what are your feelings on
shrubberies? I have a hydrangea that has been making some
aggressive motions lately and I am thinking I should prune

Jenny, fantastic questions! We should be careful to point out that we are against TREES, not shrubs and bushes and hydrangeas. HOWEVER, if, to completely remove trees from this Earth, we need to hurt some shrubs and bushes and hydrangeas… well, so be it. It’s a very small (pardon the pun) price to pay.

We love the idea of pruning, though… especially loud and conspicuous pruning in full view of those neighboring trees. Let them know you won’t be bowing to their evil branches any time soon. Additionally, a good, deep pruning might also let said shrubs and bushes and hydrangeas know that they’re hear by the grace of our kindness. Make some dark choices like their taller brethren, and they’re on the enemies list, too.

PS: Thanks for the blogroll link! Welcome to the club.

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