Pulp-free Proficiency

Keep foreign trees out

If ever you were looking for a reason to switch to a Windows Phone, you’ve now got it. 

The bigwigs at Apple, Inc., looking for a good press win, have begun purchasing and installing a ring of 9,000 wooded warriors to protect their new corporate campus in some sort of twisted devil’s bargain. 

But, even worse than letting these barked behemoths spread their rot into the brains of Apple’s engineers? This sick flooding of foliage is forcing other Bay Area businesses to look for out-of-state scabs (errr, stumps) to fill their office park perimeters, allowing these foreign ferned fiends the opportunity to introduce new ideas to their Californian cousins. 

Anti-arborists everywhere should rise up and ensure no collaboration between these tree species occur. Let Apple’s new campus serve only as a modern prison for these 9,000 trees, not an opportunity for more of these abominations to plague our neighborhoods. 

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