Pulp-free Proficiency

Mayans sabotaged by trees’ SOS call, not climate change

The truth behind the Mayan extinction has begun to surface, although the tree apologists continue tirelessly to spread disinformation.

A new report by University of Alabama in Huntsville outlines how the Mayans put tree-razing policies into practice, triggering the Spanish invasion.

However, the report suggests the ludicrous: the loss of trees over-stressed the Mayan communities?


The Spaniards in the 1500s were well known to be patsies for trees. On the other hand, the Mayans, one of the greatest civilizations on Earth, expended great resources and energy over several centuries to remove the filthy beasts encroaching on their borders. The Spanish, having received distress signals from their canopied overlords, dashed to Central America to rescue them. Using brutal techniques (and a ruthlessness only seen by other tree-led despots), the conquistadors worked intensely to eradicate the Mayan race from the planet.

Fortunately, technology is re-arming mankind in it’s constant fight against the trees. Servir satellites now allows us to see through the “fog of bark” (which prevents us from finding the bodies and buildings of the heroic Maya) and plan daring raids on these MIAs and POWs.

Using this technology, we can make selective raids, and begin clearcutting the hell-bent Ents from our Earth, starting from these points. By pretending to be at these sites for archaeological purposes, we may yet have a chance to get an upper hand in the war on trees.

Here on Earth Day Eve, remember the fallen in man’s continuing fight against the Ents. Fund any and all efforts focused on ridding the Earth of its barked infestation.

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